


The First Regret

by JamieMac26



Series: A Series of Firsts [7]
Category: Criminal Minds, Criminal Minds RPF
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-17 23:33:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5889409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamieMac26/pseuds/JamieMac26





	The First Regret

_She shuffled down the sidewalk. She wasn’t sure where she was going, but she had to get away. She wasn’t paying attention to where she was walking and nearly ran into a group of paparazzi staking out the party. An idea popped into her head and the anger that had invaded her body, clouded her judgement. She approached them, not giving a damn about the consequences that would occur with what she was about to say._

_“Miss, miss…Miss Norwood, over here,” Alex moved in the direction of the man calling her name. “Where’s Matthew? Is it true that he invited another girl to the party? Are the two of you still together?”_

_“Look, I will give you a statement but my name and my picture will not be associated, got it?” Alex glared at the man, anger was seething inside of her, but she wasn’t angry enough to not protect her reputation._

_The man nodded, “You will go on the record as anonymous you have my word.”_

_“I better have your word or you’ll be hearing from my lawyer.” Alex watched as the man nodded, putting away his camera and pulling out his phone to record their conversation. “First off, yes he invited another woman. The same woman he’s been sleeping with while his girlfriend was on the other side of the country working.”_

_“So Matthew Gubler was cheating on you…I mean Alex Norwood the whole time she was gone?”_

_Alex nodded, “Yes, and it’s very possible that it started before she even left. There was some very shady behavior displayed months prior to her being gone.”_

_“I always thought that Mr. Gubler was one of the good guys.”_

_“Ha,” Alex blurted out, “One of the good guys,” She spat vehemently, “You shouldn’t let his façade fool you. That’s what he wants everyone to think but really, really he’s a playboy and one that preys on younger women. He likes them young due to this own childish behavior and he knows that any mature woman would want nothing to do with his immatureness.”_

_As the words were spilling from her mouth, Alex felt her heart shattering into thousands of pieces. Every word was a lie. Every word could possibly destroy him but the damage had been done and there was nothing she could do but keep going._

Tears were spilling down Alex’s cheeks and she could no longer focus on Matthew’s face. “I am so sorry.”

She felt his hand envelope hers and the simple act of kindness only made the tears fall faster, harder.

“Alex, don’t cry,” Matthew brushed his thumb across the top of her hand, slowly. “Look, what’s done is done and you apologized for it already. I guess I just never realized I made you that mad, that I upset you that much.”

Alex tried to blink the tears away, “I never should have gotten that upset.”

_“So you’re saying that he isn’t the awkward, loveable geek that we’ve all grown to love on Criminal Minds?” The guy was phishing and Alex knew it but she took the bait anyway._

_“It’s called acting dude and he’s pretty damn good at it. He is nothing like Spencer Reid.”_

_“Is there anything else you’d like to add,” He pushed the phone closer to her face._

_“I would just like to add that he is spineless. He couldn’t just tell his girlfriend of several years that he wanted out of the relationship. He couldn’t man up and do the right thing, no; he had to be a fucking asshole. I’m done,” With that Alex spun on her heel and took off in the opposite direction. The only thing on her mind, grabbing her things from Matthew’s house and getting as far away from him as possible before what she’d just said hit the press._

Alex turned her hand over, grasping Matthew’s fingers. “How can you be so calm about all of this? I basically tried to ruin your life and you’re sitting here trying to comfort me.”

Matthew chuckled quietly, “You weren’t around to know this, but the stuff that you said, it didn’t do that much damage, at least not publicly.”

“Really,” Alex kept her gazed focused on their intertwined hands.

“The bad press blew over rather quickly. I stayed out of the public eye and I wasn’t seen with her for several weeks, however, privately, it about killed me.”

The tears started to fall again, and Alex watched as they dropped onto his fingers. “It was stupid Matthew, but I wanted you to hurt. I wanted you to feel how I felt. God, I was such an idiot.”

“Yes you were,” He watched as Alex’s head shot up at his words. “I’m not going to lie to you Alex. You could have come and talked to me. Not at the party, not when you were pissed off, but you should have pulled me aside and you should have just asked me what was going on. I would have told you the truth. I never once lied to you and I wouldn’t have started covering shit up. You saying what you did, it was like a punch to the gut. To think that you even thought I’d do that to you,” He stopped, taking a deep breath, “I just thought you knew me better than that.”

Alex pulled her hand from his, using it to push her hair out of her face, “I knew that this conversation was going to be hard but I had no idea it would be this hard. God, you’d think that time would have helped me to move on from some of this, but it all still feels so….fresh.”

_Alex pulled her phone from her pocket. Another voice message, this made number 5. Alex leaned her head back against the seat. She pressed the button, holding the phone up to her ear. ‘Alex, I don’t know where you are or why you aren’t answering your phone or why all of your stuff is now missing from my, our house, but what is going on? You left the party so quickly and you seemed so angry. I don’t quite understand why you’re so upset but talk to me. This isn’t like you. Please.’ The final plea almost made Alex cave but she hit the delete button and shut her phone down as the flight attendants made their final pass before takeoff._

“This conversation is long overdue.” Matthew leaned back, keeping his eyes on her.

“Is that why you called me?” Alex glanced up, meeting his gaze.

Matthew was quiet, but his stare didn’t waver.

“We could have talked about this over the phone.” Alex didn’t like the stillness that had taken over the room.

He shook his head, “No.” He glanced down at his hands, now lying in his lap, “I had to see you. I needed to look you in the eye.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you Matthew,” Alex’s voice barely above a whisper.

“No, but you’d sugar coat the truth. You’ve always had a way of making everything seem like it was fine, even when it was falling apart around you, you’d say you were just fine.”

Alex laughed, shaking her head, “Oh god, you’re so right.”

“So you thought it was easier to just ignore me? You thought it was easier to let me speculate what happened?” Matthew’s voice became a little bit harder.

Alex grimaced, the guilt washing over her once again. “If I had answered the phone Matthew, if I had called you back, even once, the dam would have broken and I would have run back into your arms. I was devastated, not only with what I had done but with what I believed you had done. I never stopped loving you.”

The softness came back into Matthew’s face, “Then why Alex, why has it taken five years for us to be doing this?”

“I never thought we’d be doing this, honestly. I thought the phone call I made to you all those years ago, explaining, kind of, what I had done, would be the last time I’d talk to you.” Alex cocked her head to the side, “Why did you call Matthew?”

He was silent again, his eyes darting around the room.

“I figured you were over me. I figured you had moved on, that you didn’t love me anymore, so, why the phone call Gubler?” Alex reached forward, grasping his face between her hands, forcing him to look at her.

“Because,” His tongue darted from his mouth, moistening his lips, “Because I still love you Alex. I never stopped loving you.”

Alex’s hands released his face, dropping to his lap. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“No Matthew, after everything I did, you can’t still love me.”

“Alex you don’t get to decide that and believe me, I tried not loving you. I tried moving on. I tried to forget you but you…you are someone I can’t get out of my head.”

Without thinking, Alex leaned forward, her arms snaking around his neck. Her lips pressed against his. Her heart was pounding in her chest and for one split moment, she thought she’d made a huge mistake but then, his arms wrapped around her, pulling her into him. The kiss heated. The kiss was full of years of pent up frustration, pent up anger and pent up love. It left her breathless when he finally pulled away. His hair stood in all directions from where her hands had been.

_It had been months since she’d left him. She missed him so much every day and the constant phone calls weren’t helping. He continued to try and get a hold of her, phone calls, text messages, emails, messages via social media, he was insistent. She almost broke many times but she would just remind herself of what she had done and the guilt of that alone kept her from reaching back to him._

_She did keep tabs on him though. She couldn’t help herself. She had tried to distance herself completely but he was like a drug, a drug that she was overly addicted to. She would scour the magazines, the internet and watch YouTube videos, all in the hope to quell the pain that wouldn’t diminish._

_Alex kept her distance from LA but on the occasion that her job took her back there, she did her best to avoid all of the places she knew he frequented. However, on this particular trip, she couldn’t keep the desire at bay. She needed to see him. She needed to see that he was okay. She had been stalking his Twitter and Instagram accounts and knew, with a fair amount of certainty, where he would be on Halloween night. She smiled at her luck of being in LA on that particular day. It would be easy for her to blend in and keep him from noticing her. God, she felt like a psycho ex-girlfriend and she lectured herself, this would be the one and only time that she would do this._

_She donned her costume, one he wouldn’t pay particular attention to. She scoped out the crowd. Her eyes landed on him almost right away. She took a step backwards, almost like a force had pushed her. She couldn’t breath and the tears started to fall before she could even try and stop them. She ducked her head and pushed her way through the crowd. This was a bad idea._

“Well that was an unexpected surprised.” Matthew pulled her hand towards his lips, kissing the back of it gently. “And something I have waited a long time to do again.”

Alex giggled, pulling her hand back from him, “As nice as that was, we aren’t quite done. We probably shouldn’t get too distracted, at least not yet.”


End file.
